074: Challenge to Trust
Michele (00:06) Joining us today is Shari Walla, owner of excellent custom drapery in Sterling Heights, Michigan. Sherry is a to the trade work right and is sharing a business challenge with us. As you listen, you'll hear that the challenge that she's presenting may sound one way, but that there's really a different fear and challenge back behind it. Maybe this has happened to you. So, today, we're going to dig into the ideas of fear of rejection, fear of being abused in a business relationship and fear of trusting ourselves. Learn how to restore your confidence in yourself to be able to move forward with actions to support you and your goals.
Hey, Shari, welcome to the podcast. Thanks for being here today.
Shari (01:23) Thanks, Michelle. I'm It's a pleasure to be here. Thanks for inviting me.
Michele (01:27) You're welcome. So, I've told our listeners a little bit about you in the beginning, but why don't you tell us a little bit of your background, Shari. The type of business you have. The area of the country that you live. Those kinds of things just so that we have that as we jump into the business challenge that's in front of you.
Shari (01:47) Okay, well, my background is in drafting. I have an Associate's Degree in Auto Body Design. And I was working for one of the big car companies before I started having a family. Then I stayed home with my kids. Then it got to a point where I needed to go back to work and a friend of mine told me about the person, she was working for who was my business partner, Karen - she had a drapery workroom. I started working for Karen. I loved it. Karen, about five years in, invited me to become her partner. So, it took about 10 years to become a full partner, with her, and then she retired just last year. Now, I own the business totally. We run...or I run a custom drapery workroom. We make draperies, balances, pillows, bedding. You know, everything. Pretty much we do some cushions. The only thing we don't really do is upholstery. Karen had the business for over 25 years. So, it's almost 30 years old or so it's another business. We're in the Detroit area, and I really enjoy it. I like it a lot.
Michele (03:05) Wow, that's great. So, all right, I just have to segue and ask this question. Because I am a firm believer that of course nothing and for the most part, nothing's wasted, right? How did you find the background of having a drafting education even though it was for auto body design? How did you find that drafting education has supported you in this window coverings business on the fabrication side, even to some of the degree design and styling that you might have to do in the workroom?
Shari (03:37) It's very easy for me to see a window treatment that looks complicated (and is complicated sometimes) and it's very easy for in my mind to unfold it and create a pattern. I draft all the patterns, you know, for balances that we don't have, you know, like a Kingston balance. We have a pattern for that. I don't have that to draft that, but any complicated balance that's we don't have a pattern for I drafted. I might use different patterns that I have available and as as examples as guidelines, but then I draft the pattern I'll make it out of lining, will fold it up and see how it looks and tweak it where it needs to be tweaked. But yeah, I the drafting really has helped me be able to fabricate custom window treatments.
Michele (04:32) That ability to deconstruct what we see is huge. I know I don't have an engineering background. But I think if I hit even know, I don't know if I even paid attention to the fact that it was an opportunity...when I was growing up. It certainly wasn't there. I just didn't pay attention to it. I didn't come from an area like...you grew up in the Midwest, so engineering and drafting is certainly going to be something people thought about with the industry around you. The industry around me growing up, was a mill, right? Making fabrics and sewing and I, I actually fought against it because I didn't want to do that. Which is so funny that then I have a business doing it. But all that just say, I have a very mathematical engineering focused mind. That is how my mind works. And so, I know that it has supported me greatly in being able to see something.
I immediately (even when I started my workroom), you know, I think I told the story, the very first thing I ever made. Well, before I even started the work the first thing I made when I got my sewing machine was the slipcover for sofa. I remember my husband going I cannot believe you're starting with a slipcover for sofa. I was pregnant and you know, crazy brained at the time and I was like but that's what I need and that's what I'm starting with. And he was like "Don't you need courses?" and "Don't you need classes?" and I'm like, "How hard can it be?" I didn't mean that negatively, you know, or to be a slam on...Because it can be hard. Like I know, now, it can be hard. But I looked at it and it made sense to me. I don't know how to explain it. And so I was able to easily start figuring out the math. I approached it from a very math engineering perspective. Not as much from that creative draping and drafting, I am not great, which is draping and drafting and having it work. I have to do a mathematical approach. But I could easily look at something that might be four or five layers deep that other people might look at as one piece...And I could deconstruct the layers and then deconstruct what it would need to look like, as you said, unfolded. Though I assumed that your education and degree would have allowed you the same opportunity to see things that way.
Shari (06:52) Yeah, it really does that, you know. It's very easy for me to draw out a pattern because I understand what needs to be parallel what needs to be, you know, at 90 degrees to each other what needs to be a curve and how to create that curve. So, it's it really does, you know, for an engineering or drafting type, mathematical type brain. It makes sense. And I have taken a class at a conference. I can't remember who taught it, but it was about the right and the left brain.
Michele (07:26) That was Margie and Beth Hodges. Yeah. Margie is a Draper drafter. And yeah, came at it very mathematically. And they showed their interpretation if that's the same class. They show their interpretation of a historical treatment out of a book. And they both came at it very differently. So it was cool to see it that way.
Shari (07:49) Yeah, yeah. Cuz I had never considered just taking fabric and start draping it out there that that just it doesn't occur to me. So, it was really cool to see that there is two approaches to it. It's just I had never considered it from the others. You know, the other way of doing it. I just always done it from an engineering, drafting type.
Michele (08:13) Same, same. I usually tell people that even though I am left brain, right brain, kind of down the middle - my initial approach to things is going to be engineering mathematical. I'm going left brain logical is my initial and creative comes behind it. I'm not drapery, drafty, creative, and then, you know, pull in the math, secondarily, its primary for me. So, I assumed it was but I thought I would ask you because I do think it's interesting how one part of our life can feed into supporting the other and it looks like it's worth the same for you.
So, Shari, today we're going to be jumping into talk about a business challenge that's in front of you and do some live coaching on air. So, thank you for being willing to throw the challenge out. I think by doing the series one of the things that I've already started getting feedback on. And that people love is number one, the realness of here's my challenge, right? We're not watering it down. And then the second part is maybe my challenge isn't exactly the same...But I can totally see how to use some of the conversation, some of the questioning that we're going to do back and forth - and even just some of the ways of thinking to approach my own challenge. So I think these questions that are being asked are really great. And thank you for participating in that.
Shari (09:35) You're welcome. I can't wait.
Michele (09:37) Hey, yeah, right. We'll see if you feel that way at the end, right? Okay, so let's start Shari by just sharing what is the challenge that's in front of you right now? What is it that you're looking to gain clarity, insight, forward movement, pivot, whatever. What is your challenge?
Shari (09:55) I would like to get some new designers to work for us. Primarily, I do some retail work, but I primarily do most of my work through designers. And I would like to court and attain new designers to work with. My challenge is...How do I know ahead of...like, before I engage in a business relationship with them what questions do I ask them to make sure we're going to work well together and make sure we have a mutual respect for each other? And we trust each other. How do I... what questions do I ask so that I don't get into a relationship with a designer and say, you know, like, three jobs down the road, say, "Oh, my gosh, I can't stand working with this designer. I need to let them go." And then it's always a difficult conversation. So, I want to kind of figure out how I can realize these things before I get into a relationship with the designer.
Michele (11:08) Okay, so what's so interesting is really what we're trying to decide here is how do I identify my ideal client? And how do I see if you're my ideal client? Because this is what you would do as a workroom, right? To decide if that can work with that designer. The designer, in turn, would be doing the exact same thing to you. Can I work with that work room? Is the same thing we do when we select subs. Is the same thing that the designer would do when they say, "Can I work with this homeowner, so that I don't get three rooms in and think let me get out." And it should be the same thing that the homeowners doing. In other words, what is the interview process for another company or another subcontract or whatever? How do we identify that so that we can work together and that we recognize it early and not late?
Shari (12:00) Right
Michele (12:00) Right. Okay. So, in a perfect world, how do you see...What kind of solution do you see? Or how do you see this? How do you see it working for you?
Shari (12:11) All these new desires are just going to fall in my lap, and I don't have to do anything. They're just all going to be perfect. That's the dream we all have right? Designers in the world are thinking, the perfect clients are just going to show up and I don't have to do anything. We don't none of us have to do social media. We don't have to be anywhere. We just have this beautiful offering. We sit at home and they ring our doorbell and offer to give us money with the perfect job. That’s the perfect world. Okay, that's a perfect world. Yeah, that was a loaded question.
Michele (12:45) Okay, I agree. We all wish that would happen, but I don't think we live in that utopia. So, bring it down a notch then so and that we really got it. I know. That would really be great. I agree. But let bring it back to like a reality, kind of what would that look like? Would it be that you have maybe a set of questions that you...you and another designer, either they find you or you find them either way? Right? Because I'm going to get you off your rear in and out of your house to meet people. So, we're going to meet each other in some way we can talk about that in a minute as a little bit of a separate segway. But you've met you've been introduced. Something. They're going to be questions that you ask. Questions that he or she asked to determine if your businesses align.
Shari (13:39) Correct, yeah.
Michele (13:41) You will go through, as you said, a courting process, which is very true. Do you know each other? Do we like each other? Do we trust each other our businesses align? Can we work together? Let's give it a shot and see.
Shari (13:52) Right.
Michele (13:53) Then you're going to be able to make a call on did it work? Did it not work? Do I continue?
Shari (14:00) Right. Okay.
Michele (14:03) I'm asking you, would that be an ideal in home based in reality?
Shari (14:07) Yes, that would be better than them just falling in my lap. I mean...
Michele (14:12) It wouldn't be better than it looks like it's...
Shari (14:13) True, it would be more realistic.
Michele (14:16) That's right. Well go with realistic. I mean, we'd all like to just fall in each other's laps with perfection, but it'll work that way. But so that is a way that it could work. Would you be comfortable with that as a solution?
Shari (14:29) Yes. Yeah. My, my, what my biggest problem is, besides getting over my fear of rejection, is knowing how do I know...It's kind of like, you know, when you're dating, when you're, you know, a teenager and you're dating and you got to figure out whether or not this person is going to be...Well, maybe not teenager, maybe in your 20s and you're dating. You're trying to figure out whether or not this person is going to be your life partner. You know? Do you want them to be your life partner? And that's it's maybe not as big of a decision as marriage, but it's a big decision to try and figure out if this person is going to be a good match for you.
Michele (15:14) Okay, so look...Oh, gosh, my brain is already exploding here. Okay. Only because there's so much I want to talk about some trying to figure out the way I want to go through it with you. So, we know what we want. We know the challenge. We know we want to see happen. You mentioned a fear of rejection.
Shari (15:34) Yeah.
Michele (15:35) And how do we find out if they are a match for us? Because let's be honest, we're not...this isn't the reason that I that I believe that you are relating it more to a marriage is because we're looking to build long term relationships with these people. This isn't just a dating process where we're just going out to meet people and hang out for a coffee and walk away. We're looking to build our businesses together. We're looking as I say, "Be careful which horse you hook your cart to." Like we are connecting to each other. We are branding ourselves together to some degree, because of the mutual support and collaboration we're going to have. And we're looking for this to be a long-term partnership. Not just one time. Same thing, if we're a designer looking for homeowner. We don't want them to just bring us in to do one room and then they're bringing another designer in to do the next one. We want them to let us do the entire home, and then their second home and their third home. Right? And so building these long term relationships and so we want to be really careful, even more so among a drapery and upholstery work room and a designer in a trade relationship, Outside of fear of rejection of them rejecting wanting to work with you, or rejecting your services or your business values or whatever...what other fears you have Shari surrounding this particular challenge right?
Shari (17:05) Well, I fear that I'll get into perhaps a verbally abusive or somebody who might try to ruin my reputation...because something didn't go right that it put a bad light on them instead of letting me fix it. You know, they had an irate customer and it just could escalate, escalate to ruining my reputation. I don't know how to explain it and not...
Michele (17:44) So then, that again, is a miss alignment. So, then I would say there could be a fear not of just working with the right designer but then a fear of does the designer have the right client for them...because of the trickle down. If a designer has, you know, let's say clients who don't want to pay full price, or who nitpick and who are all these things, and the designer, maybe doesn't know how to handle it, right? They trickle down to subs. Let's say the designer did the same thing you did. They thought they had a great client who then went off the rails halfway in. What you want is somebody who stands arm to arm with you - shoulder to shoulder and says, "Let's solve it together."
Shari (18:27) Right.
Michele (18:28) Okay. Okay, I can see that. Because a lot of times the bad stuff does start rolling downhill. Whether it's, you know, and blame and fault get laid at the feet, not always the ones who deserve it. Sometimes it is and sometimes it's not. But the goal here is that, if I understand correctly, the goal here is that you are so aligned with the designers that you support them when they make a mistake, and they support you if you make a mistake. So that together you go into this with arm's length that we're going to get out of this, and we're going to make this look great for both roles.
Shari (19:03) Right? I want to work as a team, as a partner with a designer. I don't want to be the necessarily the vendor or you know, their sub. I want to be collaborative with them.
Michele (19:15) Right. Okay, and that it does take finding then the right designers that want to work in a collaborative way. And they're out there. There are lots of them out there. So we just have to then find the right one. Same thing for the designer looking at the homeowner. You know. How did they want to interact there? And then do they align? Just showing that this is the same relationship we're trying in all aspects of our business to identify and quantify and then, you know, put into place. None of us want to work with the wrong people. It doesn't matter where in the chain we are. We don't want to work with the wrong people. Tell me what you've already done. Or already tried.
Shari (20:00) Okay, well, right now I'm trying to investigate. I kind of say stock in a lighthearted way new designer. I'm looking on their websites. I'm looking at their Facebook pages. I'm looking at their Instagram accounts. I'm seeing what type of work they do for one, making sure that it's the you know, a quality of work that I want my want to produce. And I'm seeing how large they are. I want to work with both big designers and small designers. You know. Ones that take on huge houses, reconstructions, and do the whole house. And I also want to work with the designers to only do a room at a time. So, I'm looking at both of them. I'm so I'm starting to follow them on Facebook and Instagram. If I can get them personal email address, I have emailed some of them introducing myself and just saying you know I'm a workroom in your area, I've checked out your website I really like what I see you know trying to compliment them on their work and just asking "If you have a need for workroom...which you know you may have a workroom already and that's great but if you ever have a need for workroom, I'd like to have a conversation with us to see if we could work well together. Have I received one email back from one designer just thanking me and saying she's working with the work from already and she'll but she'll keep my information on hand. The second designer, I emailed, I didn't get a response from. It's hard to...I don't want to just email through their website because I'm afraid that the email will just go into a general folder not and it won't hit the person that I want it to read that Email. So, I know I need to make some phone calls. That is my challenge this month...is to make some phone calls to some interior designer firms that I would like to talk with and see if they would be a good customer. So that's all I've done so far. I'm open to more suggestions.
Michele (22:24) Well, I've got some for you that coming. Tell me what you're not willing to do. What is it that you have not wanted to do or haven't been willing to do to solve the problem of having more designer relationships?
Shari (22:44) The real challenge for me is making those phone calls. I am...I don't want to make them. I feel like I'm desperate like...
Michele (23:00) But you're not.
Shari (23:01) I know. I know. But that's it's a feeling.
Michele (23:04) Okay. No, I'm just saying for the listeners here, right? You're not desperate. You know thew work. You have a great company and great work, great profitability, all that stuff. You just want to add a couple more designers.
Shari (23:18) Right to...to fill in the slow times. No, I as far I mean, I have I have plenty of work. I mean, the size of my company, I have one employee, and she works pretty much full time. And I work full time at it as well. We're doing fine. It's just I would like to have at least one or two more designers in my pocket.
Michele (23:46) Right. You have capacity is really what we're saying. So, I say that because when I want to make sure that when people hear that your feeling of desperation is different. From...and there's an I'm not discounting the feeling. The feeling of desperation....The reach out makes you feel that way. When in reality by looking at your workload, we're looking at the current designers that you love working with. Looking at your financials. There's no desperation.
Shari (24:19) No, right... there isn't. It's just the feeling. Yeah, I don't want to be perceived as a desperate person like I am begging for work.
Michele (24:32) So there's the fear...The fear of being perceived as desperate. Yeah. Okay, that's what I was trying to get up. There you go.
Shari (24:46) Got it.
Michele (24:47) I knew it was there, we just had to get to it...because there was a difference between a fear of a feeling of when reality may be telling us a different story. And that's why I wanted to separate out the two. Right? This isn't like I have no designers, and therefore I feel desperate and while I am acting at a desperation. That is not what is happening here. This is I have a great business, a thriving business. We're doing well. We love the designers we work with. I would like more because we have capacity.
Shari (25:16) Mm hmm. Right.
Michele (25:18) However, I feel like by reaching out first that I am acting out of desperation. Yeah, that's a barrier.
Shari (25:26) Right.
Michele (25:28) Okay. Up to this point, you have not been willing to reach out first.
Shari (25:36) Correct.
Michele (25:38) Okay. So are there any other barriers that you perceive, to getting what you want, which is one or two more really great collaborative relationships that allow you to support a design designer in your area? What are the barriers are there?
Shari (26:03) I don't...Are you digging for something?
Michele (26:06) Nope. So I guess, to me the barriers that you've already mentioned are the barrier of fear of rejection. The barrier of...fear is a barrier. Right? And you've mentioned three so far. Rejection, being abused in the relationship, and being perceived as desperate.
Shari (26:27) Yes.
Michele (26:28) All right. The other (I would say) fear that you probably have...it sounds like you're a bit of an introvert.
Shari (26:35) Okay.
Michele (26:36) And this fear of getting out and putting yourself out there because of the fear of rejection, the fear of the other things behind it.
Shari (26:43) Yeah.
Michele (26:44) Okay. That's, I go with that. Yes. All right. Can I ask you a question?
Shari (26:49) Sure.
Michele (26:50) Do you trust yourself?
Shari (26:51) Do I trust myself in regards to do I think I can do the work do I?
Michele (26:57) I know you can do the work. Do you trust yourself and the selection process of...this is the person I want to work with. Or have you had a shake and confidence in your selection process?
Shari (27:13) Yes, I have had a shake and confidence in my selection process. I did have a bad situation and it did not end well between the customer, the designer and myself.
Michele (27:27) Okay. And so, I asked that I knew that and I asked that, because it only takes one. I want everybody to hear that on the podcast today that is listening. It only takes one really bad experience...whether it's our fault or no - just being involved in a really bad experience to shake your confidence. So, if we really dig deep, here's Shari, what we're really talking about is restoring your confidence in selecting relationships that are going to be good for both of you.
Shari (27:57) I agree.
Michele (27:58) Fair?
Shari (28:00) Yes.
Michele (28:00) Okay.
Shari (28:02) That the situation happened over a year ago, as you know...and it still affects me. Daily. I mean, I still think about it. It just was unbelievable to me.
Michele (28:17) And you don't ever want to repeat it. But now it has eroding your own confidence and even selecting business relationships.
Shari (28:29) Yes.
Michele (28:30) So you know that you would love to have a couple more of these business relationships. All your other designer...the relationships are great. Yes. Yeah, it only took one that made you go. Oh, my goodness. Right?
Shari (28:45) Yeah.
Michele (28:46) I think it's important for us to, to dig to figure that out. Because it happens all the time. A designer can work with a client. They can work with 25 clients and everything's great and one client - that one job can go south, and it totally destroys your confidence, or everything else. I want to just make a note here, if anybody wants to dig into confidence, check out the Confidence episode that we have on Profit is a Choice (ADD LINK). And we talked about it in that takes one time to shake everything. So what I want to help you do, as we are going to work through this right now, Shari, I want to help restore some confidence, okay?
Shari (29:24) Okay.
Michele (29:25) It’s going to show up by you working with your ideal client, but I want to help restore your confidence. Here's the first thing that I'm going to ask you to do. I'm going to ask you, and you may need to take some notes here. You can always go back and listen to the podcast...here's what I want you to do. So, our goal here is to restore confidence in your decision making. Because that's what this is about.
Shari (29:51) Okay. I agree.
Michele (29:53) All right. You think it's about finding the right people. It's not finding the right people. This is about your decision making and in deciding if they're the right people.
Shari (30:04) Right?
Michele (30:04) Okay, so we got to get Shari to trust Shari, then you can trust the process that you build. Assess yourself in the process. You know the process, but if you don't push yourself to even follow the process, it's not going to matter. The first thing we're going to do is build up Shari. And then we're going to build up your process. And then I'm going to unleash you on the world.
Shari (30:26) Watch out world!
Michele (30:28) Okay, so here's one of the ways that we are going to restore your confidence. I mentioned it in that podcast. I want you to write down, and of course, this will be after the after the taping of all of this right? We're not going to stop and do a workshop...but I want you to write down all of the designers that you currently work with that you love working with.
Shari (30:48) Okay.
Michele (30:49) Because when you write down who you love working with, it is going to remind you that you already have made really great choices with who you are attaching yourself to, and who was being attached to you. You support them, you like them, they like you, you were well together, you have a list of those designers. And it is a lot more than one bad experience. And I need you to go back and remember that. So every time that one, if it's daily, every time that one bad experience comes up, Shari, I want you to have a list of the 10 to 15 or however many designers that you support in a beautiful way...I want you to have that list on the opposite side. So that you can go that's a one to 20. I'm going to focus on the 20. That idea of what you focus on grows, we need to focus on the 20 that you have great. Not the one that's bad. That is going to start to restore you. I can do it and I'm continuing to do it. And a year later, I'm even making more money than I was a year ago. And I'm still working great with these 20 people.
Shari (31:57) Yeah
Michele (31:58) Right? Or the new ones that have even come in...I want you then to write down how it feels to not be in that situation anymore. Let's look at the blessings of that. The blessings were, you're not in that anymore. Right? And that there's a lesson behind it so that you can prevent yourself from getting there. Okay? So we're going to write down who you love working with. And we're going to show the blessings that came out of this. One of them is I'm going to tighten up my processes. Right?
Shari (32:34) Right.
Michele (32:35) Another blessing that came out of this is I now know not everybody is my ideal client. And I get to take control over who I work with and who works with me. Good so far?
Shari (32:45) Good so far.
Michele (32:47) Okay. Do both of those things feel like you can do?
Shari (32:51) Yeah, they're things that I do…do it just I need to really block that bad experience It's just..
Michele (33:00) No, no, I don't want you to block it. Here's what I want you to do. I want you to give yourself a chance to grieve it and go through it. Then, I want you to frame it. See blocking it, it's just pushing it down, pushing it down, pushing it down. But if you will go through the process of working it through, it then becomes...Something that happened. But in light of all these other things that happened right now, it's being focused on as if it was the only thing that happened last year. You're forcing yourself to block it. It just keeps trying to push its way out. I mean, this is going to be a little painful. Here's what I want you to and listen. I have designers calling me, that I am working with, that have had this exact same thing happen with the workroom.
Shari (33:53) Okay.
Michele (33:54) I've also had designers calling me with the same thing happening to them with their client. So this is something that happens to all of us at some point. We all think we're making a great decision in our judgment to work with somebody or to do something to take on the person that we're going to be connected to. And then something goes out. It's happened to everybody. Okay? So part of it is working on the mindset. And it is literally writing down everything bad that happened. To write it down. Write down how you felt, what you wish you could have done differently. Just get it out of your head. Write it down on paper. If you have to write it manually write it manually. If you have to type it type...I don't care but get it out of your head, and I want it in some written form.
Shari (34:40) Okay.
Michele (34:41) Once you've got it in written form, I want you to either delete it, if you have to print it, and shred it, or burn it. Take the paper copy and rip it up and burn it, shred it, whatever. I want you to write it all down, get it all out of your head, out of your heart and then I want you to destroy it because it is done and as in the past. Then what I want you to do is write down here lessons learned and here's what I will do in the future to protect myself and my business and to protect those I work with. So, let's make it a positive thing. Okay? We’re going to write all the junk that's holding you down the steps that you keep blocking, I want it written. And then I want you to look at it. I want you to sit with it for a minute. And then I want you to destroy it. Because it's done. Then we're going to turn and we're going to write down the blessings, the lessons learned, and here's what we're going to do for it to not happen again.
See, I even had this moment within my own company, because I lost confidence in my ability to price and profit. That was my moment sitting at my kitchen table, crying and upset and going" Look what I've done to her family." I've got a negative net profit...it's that same thing I lost trust and confidence in myself to do what I was doing. It wasn't even with the person it was with process. So this happens, right? And I sat down and wrote down everything I did wrong. And then I sat down and said, here's what it means to be a hobby, and here's what it means to business. And from this day forward, here's how I'm going to protect myself. Here's what I'm going to do.
Shari (36:21) Okay.
Michele (36:22) All of that is going to help with the confidence because we're going to get it out, we're going to deal with it. We're going to let it go. We're going to choose to let it go. This whole 20 designers over here, I love working with the one bad thing, what that is replacement. Every time you think about the one bad you're going to turn...I even had to do this for myself for marketing. I don't enjoy marketing, right? I'm actually doing it more now. But a year ago, I kept going, I can't work and I'm not good at marketing. I stink at marketing, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And my coach said to me, go write down 10 affirmations about marketing. We've got to replace the negative head speak with positive. So I wrote down 10 positive affirmations on how great I am at marketing, how awesome I am at marketing, how I love to collaborate, how I love to work with people. And guess what's happened this year for me. I won marketer of the Year for Profit First.
Shari (37:20) Good for you!
Michele (37:22) I know and I was kind of like, "Oh my goodness!" So everything that had been what I thought I could not do, or where I did not trust myself, where I did not have confidence....I wrote an affirmation for it. And I focused on the affirmation instead of...so every time I would be like, "Oh crap, I can't do that in marketing", I would turn and get out my 10 things of affirmation. When I worked with Nicole Heimer for branding, I said here are my 10 marketing affirmations because I'm trying to pump myself up. When I worked with Kae Whitaker, on my email marketing so here are my 10 affirmations. I just want you to know I'm like working to affirm myself here and your part is supporting me. That's what your 20 designers are that you have great relationships, the things that you do well, some of the projects that have gone excellent, do make a list of them. Those are your affirmations. So, every time that one bad experience comes up, I want you to say, "Nope, you don't get my focus." I've dealt with you. I wrote you out, I trashed you. We're moving on. Lessons learned. Here's my focus. If I can just get you to paint that mindset piece. The next things we do are just going to be the butter. It's just going to be icing. I was going to say the butter. It's going to be the icing...It's the buttercream icing on the cake. That's what it is because I really love buttercream icing. That's really what it's going to be it's going to be that extra. Alright, the first thing we got to do is change Shari's way of thinking so that we're not held hostage by one event. We gotta break the chains not be held hostage by one event. We're not giving it any more power over the future direction of your business.
Shari (38:55) Yeah, and I hate that that it has power.
Michele (38:59) It only has poer if you let it. And so what we want we're going to do is we're going to quit feeding it. Okay. Okay. All right. Now, here's how we're getting ready to solve the problem. Here's what I want you then to do. I want you to look at the list of your 20. Designers.
Shari (39:15) Okay?
Michele (39:17) And I want you to write down the characteristics that they have in common. What is it that you love about them? So that whole first thing that we just talked about basket and your mindset. Now we're going to say we're walking into this with a really great mindset of I can do this, I can trust my judgment. I trusted it and look at the plenty of people that want me that I'm working with that I love, right? You know, and I'm just throwing the number 20. I'm just saying there's a number. Don't get freaked out by the number. So we've got this group of designers and these groups of relationships that are so supportive, right? Write down the characteristics. You remember when we did the book study "Who's in Your Room?"
Shari (39:57) Yup.
Michele (39:57) Okay. And it said the people that you love working with, these engines, these people that inspire you, these people that you collaborate with...What is it that they have in common? Write down everything that those designers have in common. Because that starts to create the ideal client list for the new designers we're going to bring in. Do they have the same characteristics, of the plenty that you know that you already works super well with. Part of this discussion isn't about the questions to ask...the questions come because you know what your ideal client looks like. Okay, so then I want to ask you to go do a little more work on your ideal client. So here's the 20 and a half. Here's what I love about them. Here's how I like working with them. Here's how they like working with me. This is the services they asked me for. This is how they bring me into work. This is how we collaborate. This is how we support this is how they handle when the client gets upset. Here's how they handle when they make a mistake. Here's how they handle it if I make a mistake. Like...how do we all work together in a way that feels great for that designer and great for you? That's what we want. A win win. Right?
Shari (41:03) Right.
Michele (41:03) And that's what you're fearful of. You want to have somebody that has your back the same way you're going to have their back.
Shari (41:10) Right.
Michele (41:10) Right. Okay? So we're going to define it. Then what I want you to do, is I want you to take a glance at the one bad experience. One horrible experience in all your years of being in this. That is throwing your game off, okay? And here's what I want you to do. I want you to look at it is if you are in Inspector. Not as if you were in the middle of it. You were on the outside looking at it because we have written it and destroyed it. Now you're looking at it with a magnifying glass. Okay? And you're asking yourself. "What were the characteristics of either the relationship with the designer or the relationship with the client? What were the characteristics that are deal breakers for me that I want to avoid? " And then write them down.
Shari (42:02) Okay.
Michele (42:02) Okay. So we've got this list of here's what I love. Here's what I want to do. Here's what they do. Here's how we support each other. Here's the beautiful way that it works. And here's the one yucky way that it worked. Here's the characteristics. That's where you pull your questions from.
Shari (42:19) Okay
Michele (42:20) So then you ask them, How do you handle a tough situation? Where the workroom did what was asked? You did what was asked as the designer, but the homeowner is off the rails. How have you handled that in the past? So then they're going to answer for you. You know, how do you handle it if you make an error... how would you want the workroom to handle it...If you designer made an error? How would you want them to support you in that? And then how would you support the workroom if they made an error? Because we're all human and it will happen.
Shari (42:57) Right.
Michele (42:58) Right. It could be a half inch too short. Half inch too long. One width when it should have been a width and a half. It happens. Nobody's perfect all the time. How would you want to be supported? And how would you support? And then you start building these questions based on your ideal client. And trust yourself, that if you have defined the characteristics of the great projects and great collaborations, that then you can ask those questions. Also, then the beautiful thing is...you're not signing up to do 14 houses with them on day one. You're, you're saying, Well, why don't we try working together on a couple of jobs and see how this works for you. And let's see how it works for me. And if our styles mesh, and then you can give yourself away out. Just like they can.
Shari (43:46) Right. Okay. Yeah, that's much different than how, you know, usually a new designer will call me. I'll explain my process. And then, you know, we go out and meet at a house and I measure...and then we just start working together. That's much different than, you know...setting up expectations ahead of time as far as how the relationship can be a relationship where you're both working together for the common goal is much different than how I've done before.
Michele (44:20) Right. So when I had my drapery workroom open and I was had shifted and pivoted, and was to the trade only...if a designer called and asked about my pricing or whatever, because I, I did not want to be working. I wanted to be a collaborator. I was happy to do the fabrication. I was happy to do the measurements. I was happy to do the pieces and parts they wanted me to do. But to me, it was a relationship and I was connecting my business. I would usually ask if we can we meet for a cup of coffee. The same way that the designers are going to do with the homeowners? They're not just going to go run out and start doing all the work. The really great designers are going to ask some questions to see if...are the budgets and alignment for what you're wanting and what we need. You're going to find out if timelines are in alignment. They're going to find out if the client wants to shop all over them, and they want to manage the whole thing. They're going to figure these things out, hopefully, before they get engaged. Not just so excited that they run out there and do it. And that is a recipe for disaster. And I'm not talking about some long courting process. I'm talking about, can we meet for coffe? I would love to before we start this relationship. Know what you're looking for in a work room. What you need. I'd like to share how I work and see how we can support each other. And if a designer is not willing, or a sub, or anybody else, if we were to take our title out of it...If the other company or the other person that you're working with or looking to or is not willing to have a 30 minute conversation, then you need to ask yourself...Is that the type of relationship and person you want to work with? For me, it's not. People have asked me why on my coaching side, I don't have just a blog, just join and coach. And I said, because I need to make sure we are in alignment. Even in my Designers' Inner Circle, which is where I love to support, you know, designers and stagers and workrooms...I have an application process. And it's not because I'm trying to create some big gate to get through is because I'm trying to make sure that what they're looking for is a match for what I have to offer. And the way that they want to get information is the way that I'm giving information. Because if those don't align, it's not worth taking their money and getting involved in it, and finding out that it's a bad fit. If you're too far away to meet for coffee, ask, can we have about a 30 minute phone call? I'd really like to share some things. Here's how I work. Here's what we do. Here's how we take payment. You know, here's our expectations. Here are some questions I have for you. And then what questions do you have for me? I'm happy to answer because I want this to work for us both. Most really great designers will so appreciate that conversation because it's so much more than what's the cost of your pillow...what's the cost of your panel? That used to make me immediately not want to work with somebody. They didn't ask me, "What is your value? What is your quality like? What services do you have?" Ask me that first. Right. So you can also be part of the conversation to make it a win-win for both of you. You don't have to say yes, because somebody calls you
Shari (47:34) Right. Yeah. And that's, I think, I think that's a natural reaction is like, you know, they've called me I can handle the work. I've got some time, you know...Let's just jump into it. You know? We need some sort of an understanding of each other - prior to actually working together.
Michele (47:59) There needs to be an interview process, on both sides, and that's what we're really saying. So here's what I would suggest you get a call from a designer you've never worked with before. I mean, your goal is to look for the"Yes". Right? We're not looking for the "No"...We're looking for the "Yes". we just have to ask a few questions to make sure we are both the Yes. For you, right them, right. If they come to you wanting you to create a $20 pillow, they're probably not going to be a good fit. And so we need to figure that out at the beginning, right? And I'm just using that as an example. Nobody get caught up on the number, just an example. But let's say that they call you and they say "Hey, we need this window measured. Can you come out and do it? What you would do is you would say "Yes, we have an opening in our schedule. But before we schedule that, I really need to have a conversation with you to make sure that our businesses align because I want to support you and make this work for both of us. Do you have a few minutes for us to talk through some things and that's when I would go through and talk about everything?"
It is rare that a designer would get a call or any of us that are retail oriented, stager or apholster or anybody else...Even a retail workroom, that somebody would call, and say, "Hey, can you come out on Thursday? And there's this window" That we wouldn't engage in a few more questions before we get in our car and drive out there.
Shari (42:17) Right.
Michele (42:18) Right? And so I'm just telling you, you have, it's fair for you to want the same thing to do. It's, it's the Michael Port and the book "Book Yourself Solid"...he talks about the velvet rope. The velvet rope is created by your ideal client characteristics. And so you need to make sure that they've got the characteristics and that you have the characteristics that they're looking for. And then they can step across the rope and you can work together. And with "Who's in Your Room?" is the conversation of keep them out on the porch until you make sure it's somebody you want to let you room. Right? And by keeping them out on the porch it means do an interview process. Get to know them. Let them get to know you, because you don't want to have 50 designers where you only do one project and you never do another.
Shari (50:07) Right
Michele (50:07) They don't need that. They don't need to, you know, to be out going to every other work room every other time. They can never control the quality. They don't know what they're getting either. So most of us want to have a long standing relationship with our subcontractors, or those that we are working with homeowners or whatever. So it's about relationship building. You can slow the process down for 30 minutes to have a relationship conversation.
Shari (50:35) Thanks for giving me permission to do that. You know, that? I mean, you know, in my head, I know all these things, but it's just really hard sometimes to put them in practice. And it's almost like I need permission to do that
Michele (50:54) Yeah. And you have it. You absolutely have it and I see this a lot. So you're not alone. I've been in so many I mean... I even said at Luanne Live, you have permission to charge. Like you have it, we just have to do it. Here's the thing that I think will support you in this. First is the work that we talked about the clear your mind, and writing down the characteristics. So I would love for you to have the characteristics of what you're looking for in front of you. Then I would love for you to write down a process of what happens when a new person calls. Like don't keep this in your head. Write it down. It gains weight and builds your confidence when it's on paper.
Shari (51:31) Right.
Michele (51:32) Then I want you to write down here's the process. And here are the questions I'm going to ask. And so I had mine pre-printed on a form. So when the call came, I just reached over and grabbed the form and started asking questions. Now to join my groups, I have the questions already laid out. I know what I want to ask. Then we can walk through and talk about, you know all the other details behind it. But if I had it written it prompted me said I could guide the conversation make sure I asked eveything. Just like if you were to go to a console that somebody's house, that designer goes in...that retail worker, goes in with an idea of here's what I got to cover during this call. You can do the same thing. So knowing it and putting it into practice are two different things. So right now you know it. You have permission to implement it. The next thing I would ask you to do is write it down so that it is right in front of you. If you're a designer listening to this, write down the questions that you want to ask on that first phone call if you don't already have them created. And then ask those questions. Anybody who's now looking to go hire a subcontractor or somebody else to help them while you're subbing out your work. Be willing to also stop and have a 30 minute conversation with them. So give them the same opportunity to see if there's a fit that you're asking for on the other side. If we all did this. It would certainly make it a lot easier. Early on, can we work together or can we not? How does that feel?
Shari (53:07) It feels good. It feels good. I mean, there's a lot of work there. And I need to do the work. I need to. I can't just say, "Oh, yeah, I got that in my head." You know...I know what I'm doing. I have to physically do the work. I have to make a commitment to it. It's got to be a commitment.
Michele (53:31) Now, let me ask this. After everything that we've talked about moving you forward. Imagine, now that that a designer were to call you and it's your ideal...Don't you feel like walking through the process of talking to him or her knowing that these are the questions that you're going to ask based on this information and how you work? That's why I'm not just going to give you the questions. The questions might be different for each of us. Based on our experience, what's happened, what we're looking for ideal, not ideal, but that's where you're going to best the information you're going to work off of. Now, don't you felt like it's not a, I don't want to say you're not going to be cocky...But wouldn't you be so much more confident in interviewing that designer and being interviewed by that designer?
Otherwise is the equivalent of going out and trying to hire for somebody in your company without a job description. Without an idea of what you even want. The interview process is so much more difficult. But when you've defined here's the position I have in the company, here's what they're going to be doing, here are the expectations. Now it's easier for both of you to see that it's a fit. This is the same conversation we would have if we were hiring, that we're having to see who are the other businesses that we're going to collaborate with. Sound good?
Shari (54:55) Sounds great.
Michele (54:56) Alright, so you're going to do some of these things right?
Shari (54:49) I am.
Michele (55:01) Good.
Shari (55:01) Not today, because I have a busy day today.
Michele (55:04) But you need to let this marinate a little bit too.
Shari (55:07) I want to listen to the podcast over again. Because I wasn't taking notes while, we were talking. I wanted to participate fully and absorb it all. So I want to listen to it again. Take notes, and do the work to get there. Because it's important. It's important to keep your business moving forward to to keep growing.
Michele (55:37) And to not let one bad experience, ruin the future. It's in the past and we got to deal with it, not block it, deal with it, and then let it stay in its place.
Shari (55:49) Yeah.
Michele (55:50 Well, Shari, thank you so much for sharing your challenge. Thank you so much for letting us dig in. And I think you got a lot of great actionable tips out of this, and so I'm excited to see how you put them into practice in your business. )
Shari (56:04) Thanks, Michelle. I appreciate everything you do.
Michele (56:06) You're welcome. Have a good day.
Shari (56:08) You too. Bye bye.
In closing…
Michele (56:09) Thank you, Shari for sharing these fears and challenges in your business. We all need to consider who our ideal client is and how do we recognize them. And then we need to do all the hard work and put it down on paper. It makes it so much easier to stand on the process, and to have a backbone in the conversation. These are all things that we learn to do and that we share and the Designers Inner Circle. Join us to feel supported as you identify your fears and create a plan to move past them. You can find out more at ScarletThreadConsulting.com. Remember, profit doesn't happen by accident.